Have been feeling rather disagreeable (to borrow a nice Jane Austen phrase), for the past couple of weeks. As a busy worker for the NHS I am used to being demanded of, pulled this way and that, often painting on a smile that I hope isn’t a rictus grin while I battle tiredness, and longing for a cup of tea or the end of my shift whichever comes first. Now this isn’t to say that I never enjoy my work because predominantly I do, but being reasonably normal, there are times when I react to the pressures of life.
Probably the greatest challenge can be other people. Some days we must encounter and interact with those who rub us up the wrong way or are even deliberately unpleasant for reasons of their own. Too much of this and I put up a wall or a spiky fence around myself, but thankfully we do have a choice about who remains in our lives and with whom we journey onward.
Then there is the challenge of not being driven : I must put the washing on, walk the dog, do the ironing, get dinner made by specific o’ clock! Have also been feeling a sense of work getting in the way of creativity, because I have little energy sometimes after a stressful day.
Had a bit of a revelation yesterday reading an online article posted by a Facebook friend, the topic is totally unrelated but the self awareness got me thinking. I know that low mood/feeling downcast are normal and happen as a natural reaction to things. However embracing them, reveling in them, repeating them as a mantra (“I’m SOOOOO fed up!!”) and not considering ditching them is simply sin – yes I’m doing something wrong, against myself and against God, and all the while evil tries to obscure this aspect.
The key to unlocking this is saying sorry to God, addressing this as sin and moving forward. (Re)turning to the One whose grace overshadows me & whose forgiveness releases me. No one much likes you to mention sin, much less go on about it, because it has a lot to do with self focus and absorption, (which we all love to some extent), but in a very negative way, because it tries to dispense with God, plus it’s addictive and it’s catching!
The following verses have been brought before me recently through both the mediums of the spoken and the written word:
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.”
Psalm 121: 1-2, 7-8
They are proving a great help in overcoming these disgruntled feelings and giving me fresh perspective, and I already have thoughts of how to make some positive changes.